Walking along the cobblestone driveway to the mailbox I revel in the sunshine on my face and the feel of a summers dress swishing around my thighs. Such small delights yet after being bed ridden for the past 5 days this feels like heaven to me. The sun is shining, as it has every other day this week but rather than staring out at it through a bedroom window as I lay under piles of blankets, I am enjoying it settling on my skin. Not one for being sick, I am suprised at how well I have coped this week. I am suprised that my only break down was as I was laying in a warm bath to soothe my aching body, although not suprised at my tears because to be honest I was conjuring up all sorts of dreadful illnesses that could be plaguing my body not knowing what the heck was happening. It seems a virus can do this to one. The last time I was this sick was when I was in my early 20's & diagnosed with tonsillitis, but that was due to my own carelessness - excess alcohol, partying & smoking cigarettes like they were going out of fashion. Oh how the tides turn - these days it's all mung beans & lights out by 8pm, that's what maturity does to one I guess & the ideology of living a healthy lifestyle for mind, body & soul. And I like it! But besides the bathtub breakdown there has also been a niggling feeling at my heart. And until today I couldn't quite put my finger on what that was. As the sunny day turned grey from rain clouds building on the horizon there was a shift in the air - and in me. I pulled a trashy novel from the bookshelf and set up camp with a cup of tea on the outdoor sofa as the heavens opened. I read for hours as the rain fell softly & birds played happily in the trees, and I suddenly realised something so incredibly important. That this was something I used to do for myself regularly when I was in my late teens at home in Tasmania. That this reminded me of a person I thought I used to be, but realised I still am. Someone who can relax and just enjoy something as trashy as a novel about a high flying New Yorker marring a rich merchant banker. So what if I don't read The Celestine Prophecy and mediate every morning after a 2 hour yoga session. It's okay to be sick and fall off the health band wagon for a bit. Mind you it's great to get right back on it and these past few days looking after myself with my eating & my rest patterns has sure paid off. I also realised something else and that's striking a BALANCE. The past few years I have been so caught up in chasing the sun, chasing waves and living free that I stifled parts of myself that reminded me of HOME. Parts of me that brought me balance - like the trashy novel. I've been wanting to be the epitome of healthy but I forgot that the key to that health is the balance. And not even on purpose. It just happened. I realised that that niggling at my heart was me craving to be at home - to be with my family & to be nurtured by my parents. Sure, I'm 34 years old but I don't think the yearning to be close to your family ever leaves you, especially when you spend 80% of your life away from those that you love the most. And then I realised something even more huge - that I miss the LOVE of my family. Sure we still all love each other no matter where we each are, but there's nothing better than walking through the front door at mum and dad's for a Wednesday night family tea or sitting down to Christmas lunch with the gang. Nothing can replace that - not surfing, not road trips, not travel, not freedom..... Because for me the most important thing in my life is that LOVE for my family. I see new horizons in front of me soon. Where I will see my family & friends more often. Where I laugh more often. Where I recement old friendships and let go of new ones that are not serving me in a positive way. But most of all - I see parts of me tee merging that have been dormant for some time, squashed by the ideals of society. I see A NEWFOUND BALANCE AND FREEDOM. Yes!
Sunday 23 August 2015
Becoming more "me"
" The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart - Helen Keller "
Walking along the cobblestone driveway to the mailbox I revel in the sunshine on my face and the feel of a summers dress swishing around my thighs. Such small delights yet after being bed ridden for the past 5 days this feels like heaven to me. The sun is shining, as it has every other day this week but rather than staring out at it through a bedroom window as I lay under piles of blankets, I am enjoying it settling on my skin. Not one for being sick, I am suprised at how well I have coped this week. I am suprised that my only break down was as I was laying in a warm bath to soothe my aching body, although not suprised at my tears because to be honest I was conjuring up all sorts of dreadful illnesses that could be plaguing my body not knowing what the heck was happening. It seems a virus can do this to one. The last time I was this sick was when I was in my early 20's & diagnosed with tonsillitis, but that was due to my own carelessness - excess alcohol, partying & smoking cigarettes like they were going out of fashion. Oh how the tides turn - these days it's all mung beans & lights out by 8pm, that's what maturity does to one I guess & the ideology of living a healthy lifestyle for mind, body & soul. And I like it! But besides the bathtub breakdown there has also been a niggling feeling at my heart. And until today I couldn't quite put my finger on what that was. As the sunny day turned grey from rain clouds building on the horizon there was a shift in the air - and in me. I pulled a trashy novel from the bookshelf and set up camp with a cup of tea on the outdoor sofa as the heavens opened. I read for hours as the rain fell softly & birds played happily in the trees, and I suddenly realised something so incredibly important. That this was something I used to do for myself regularly when I was in my late teens at home in Tasmania. That this reminded me of a person I thought I used to be, but realised I still am. Someone who can relax and just enjoy something as trashy as a novel about a high flying New Yorker marring a rich merchant banker. So what if I don't read The Celestine Prophecy and mediate every morning after a 2 hour yoga session. It's okay to be sick and fall off the health band wagon for a bit. Mind you it's great to get right back on it and these past few days looking after myself with my eating & my rest patterns has sure paid off. I also realised something else and that's striking a BALANCE. The past few years I have been so caught up in chasing the sun, chasing waves and living free that I stifled parts of myself that reminded me of HOME. Parts of me that brought me balance - like the trashy novel. I've been wanting to be the epitome of healthy but I forgot that the key to that health is the balance. And not even on purpose. It just happened. I realised that that niggling at my heart was me craving to be at home - to be with my family & to be nurtured by my parents. Sure, I'm 34 years old but I don't think the yearning to be close to your family ever leaves you, especially when you spend 80% of your life away from those that you love the most. And then I realised something even more huge - that I miss the LOVE of my family. Sure we still all love each other no matter where we each are, but there's nothing better than walking through the front door at mum and dad's for a Wednesday night family tea or sitting down to Christmas lunch with the gang. Nothing can replace that - not surfing, not road trips, not travel, not freedom..... Because for me the most important thing in my life is that LOVE for my family. I see new horizons in front of me soon. Where I will see my family & friends more often. Where I laugh more often. Where I recement old friendships and let go of new ones that are not serving me in a positive way. But most of all - I see parts of me tee merging that have been dormant for some time, squashed by the ideals of society. I see A NEWFOUND BALANCE AND FREEDOM. Yes!
Walking along the cobblestone driveway to the mailbox I revel in the sunshine on my face and the feel of a summers dress swishing around my thighs. Such small delights yet after being bed ridden for the past 5 days this feels like heaven to me. The sun is shining, as it has every other day this week but rather than staring out at it through a bedroom window as I lay under piles of blankets, I am enjoying it settling on my skin. Not one for being sick, I am suprised at how well I have coped this week. I am suprised that my only break down was as I was laying in a warm bath to soothe my aching body, although not suprised at my tears because to be honest I was conjuring up all sorts of dreadful illnesses that could be plaguing my body not knowing what the heck was happening. It seems a virus can do this to one. The last time I was this sick was when I was in my early 20's & diagnosed with tonsillitis, but that was due to my own carelessness - excess alcohol, partying & smoking cigarettes like they were going out of fashion. Oh how the tides turn - these days it's all mung beans & lights out by 8pm, that's what maturity does to one I guess & the ideology of living a healthy lifestyle for mind, body & soul. And I like it! But besides the bathtub breakdown there has also been a niggling feeling at my heart. And until today I couldn't quite put my finger on what that was. As the sunny day turned grey from rain clouds building on the horizon there was a shift in the air - and in me. I pulled a trashy novel from the bookshelf and set up camp with a cup of tea on the outdoor sofa as the heavens opened. I read for hours as the rain fell softly & birds played happily in the trees, and I suddenly realised something so incredibly important. That this was something I used to do for myself regularly when I was in my late teens at home in Tasmania. That this reminded me of a person I thought I used to be, but realised I still am. Someone who can relax and just enjoy something as trashy as a novel about a high flying New Yorker marring a rich merchant banker. So what if I don't read The Celestine Prophecy and mediate every morning after a 2 hour yoga session. It's okay to be sick and fall off the health band wagon for a bit. Mind you it's great to get right back on it and these past few days looking after myself with my eating & my rest patterns has sure paid off. I also realised something else and that's striking a BALANCE. The past few years I have been so caught up in chasing the sun, chasing waves and living free that I stifled parts of myself that reminded me of HOME. Parts of me that brought me balance - like the trashy novel. I've been wanting to be the epitome of healthy but I forgot that the key to that health is the balance. And not even on purpose. It just happened. I realised that that niggling at my heart was me craving to be at home - to be with my family & to be nurtured by my parents. Sure, I'm 34 years old but I don't think the yearning to be close to your family ever leaves you, especially when you spend 80% of your life away from those that you love the most. And then I realised something even more huge - that I miss the LOVE of my family. Sure we still all love each other no matter where we each are, but there's nothing better than walking through the front door at mum and dad's for a Wednesday night family tea or sitting down to Christmas lunch with the gang. Nothing can replace that - not surfing, not road trips, not travel, not freedom..... Because for me the most important thing in my life is that LOVE for my family. I see new horizons in front of me soon. Where I will see my family & friends more often. Where I laugh more often. Where I recement old friendships and let go of new ones that are not serving me in a positive way. But most of all - I see parts of me tee merging that have been dormant for some time, squashed by the ideals of society. I see A NEWFOUND BALANCE AND FREEDOM. Yes!
Sunday 16 August 2015
Dreamlike thoughts.....
Tonight I sit outside in the soft glow of dusk. Crickets and frogs are chirping and croaking as the last rays of the sunlight colour the sky from red to orange and then to a pale blue.
I am sitting eating warm sweet potato & juicy salad leaves that I harvested this afternoon with my bare hands from the garden that I have so lovingly tended to for months now.
Its getting darker and I can hardly see the page I am writing on, but I continue writing, propelled by thoughts and visions that are tumbling from my soul.
The cars on the distant highway echo that humanity is near, but as this thought enters my mind it leaves just as quickly when a kookaburra on the gum tree starts laughing and reminds me that I am surrounded by nature, infinitely connected to the source.
Sometimes - I dream of sharing moments such as this - with someone who appreciates nature at the same cosmic, incredible depth I do. I am wholly complete within myself, spending hours and hours alone every day, yet at times like this I yean to lean against a strong and warm man as we immerse our souls as one with Mother Earth. He is gentle in spirit and kind at heart and his eyes light up as he laughs at the world without a care. He is suntanned from time spent in the sun connecting with the earth and playing in the sea. He has strong arms and an open way of being and he is not afraid to show his raw, authentic emotions and communicate freely, sharing his hearty views of life and love. He has lived a nomadic lifestyle and he is grateful for the simple things that bless his journey. His family is kind and accepting, easy to be around. Sometimes we disagree, but when we make up I melt into his arms as he kisses me tenderly. He loves me for who I am entirely - and I him - accepting each others faults, learning and growing together with ease and grace. His spirituality is the land and the sea and he shows this in his genuine love of the waves, the rivers, the mountains, the animals, the culture and spirit. We make campfires and sleep under starlit skies in a swag and we wake to misty cool mornings and share a cup of hot tea with the birds. We laugh together and then we have moments of silence when neither of us need speak. We are soulmates in heart, soul and spirit. He is raw, authentic and genuine. He is dusty and dirty, weathered from the land. Non materialistic and earthy, he is sturdy and loyal and so much more..... so much more......
I am sitting eating warm sweet potato & juicy salad leaves that I harvested this afternoon with my bare hands from the garden that I have so lovingly tended to for months now.
Its getting darker and I can hardly see the page I am writing on, but I continue writing, propelled by thoughts and visions that are tumbling from my soul.
The cars on the distant highway echo that humanity is near, but as this thought enters my mind it leaves just as quickly when a kookaburra on the gum tree starts laughing and reminds me that I am surrounded by nature, infinitely connected to the source.
Sometimes - I dream of sharing moments such as this - with someone who appreciates nature at the same cosmic, incredible depth I do. I am wholly complete within myself, spending hours and hours alone every day, yet at times like this I yean to lean against a strong and warm man as we immerse our souls as one with Mother Earth. He is gentle in spirit and kind at heart and his eyes light up as he laughs at the world without a care. He is suntanned from time spent in the sun connecting with the earth and playing in the sea. He has strong arms and an open way of being and he is not afraid to show his raw, authentic emotions and communicate freely, sharing his hearty views of life and love. He has lived a nomadic lifestyle and he is grateful for the simple things that bless his journey. His family is kind and accepting, easy to be around. Sometimes we disagree, but when we make up I melt into his arms as he kisses me tenderly. He loves me for who I am entirely - and I him - accepting each others faults, learning and growing together with ease and grace. His spirituality is the land and the sea and he shows this in his genuine love of the waves, the rivers, the mountains, the animals, the culture and spirit. We make campfires and sleep under starlit skies in a swag and we wake to misty cool mornings and share a cup of hot tea with the birds. We laugh together and then we have moments of silence when neither of us need speak. We are soulmates in heart, soul and spirit. He is raw, authentic and genuine. He is dusty and dirty, weathered from the land. Non materialistic and earthy, he is sturdy and loyal and so much more..... so much more......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)