Walking along the cobblestone driveway to the mailbox I revel in the sunshine on my face and the feel of a summers dress swishing around my thighs. Such small delights yet after being bed ridden for the past 5 days this feels like heaven to me. The sun is shining, as it has every other day this week but rather than staring out at it through a bedroom window as I lay under piles of blankets, I am enjoying it settling on my skin. Not one for being sick, I am suprised at how well I have coped this week. I am suprised that my only break down was as I was laying in a warm bath to soothe my aching body, although not suprised at my tears because to be honest I was conjuring up all sorts of dreadful illnesses that could be plaguing my body not knowing what the heck was happening. It seems a virus can do this to one. The last time I was this sick was when I was in my early 20's & diagnosed with tonsillitis, but that was due to my own carelessness - excess alcohol, partying & smoking cigarettes like they were going out of fashion. Oh how the tides turn - these days it's all mung beans & lights out by 8pm, that's what maturity does to one I guess & the ideology of living a healthy lifestyle for mind, body & soul. And I like it! But besides the bathtub breakdown there has also been a niggling feeling at my heart. And until today I couldn't quite put my finger on what that was. As the sunny day turned grey from rain clouds building on the horizon there was a shift in the air - and in me. I pulled a trashy novel from the bookshelf and set up camp with a cup of tea on the outdoor sofa as the heavens opened. I read for hours as the rain fell softly & birds played happily in the trees, and I suddenly realised something so incredibly important. That this was something I used to do for myself regularly when I was in my late teens at home in Tasmania. That this reminded me of a person I thought I used to be, but realised I still am. Someone who can relax and just enjoy something as trashy as a novel about a high flying New Yorker marring a rich merchant banker. So what if I don't read The Celestine Prophecy and mediate every morning after a 2 hour yoga session. It's okay to be sick and fall off the health band wagon for a bit. Mind you it's great to get right back on it and these past few days looking after myself with my eating & my rest patterns has sure paid off. I also realised something else and that's striking a BALANCE. The past few years I have been so caught up in chasing the sun, chasing waves and living free that I stifled parts of myself that reminded me of HOME. Parts of me that brought me balance - like the trashy novel. I've been wanting to be the epitome of healthy but I forgot that the key to that health is the balance. And not even on purpose. It just happened. I realised that that niggling at my heart was me craving to be at home - to be with my family & to be nurtured by my parents. Sure, I'm 34 years old but I don't think the yearning to be close to your family ever leaves you, especially when you spend 80% of your life away from those that you love the most. And then I realised something even more huge - that I miss the LOVE of my family. Sure we still all love each other no matter where we each are, but there's nothing better than walking through the front door at mum and dad's for a Wednesday night family tea or sitting down to Christmas lunch with the gang. Nothing can replace that - not surfing, not road trips, not travel, not freedom..... Because for me the most important thing in my life is that LOVE for my family. I see new horizons in front of me soon. Where I will see my family & friends more often. Where I laugh more often. Where I recement old friendships and let go of new ones that are not serving me in a positive way. But most of all - I see parts of me tee merging that have been dormant for some time, squashed by the ideals of society. I see A NEWFOUND BALANCE AND FREEDOM. Yes!
Sunday, 23 August 2015
Becoming more "me"
" The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart - Helen Keller "
Walking along the cobblestone driveway to the mailbox I revel in the sunshine on my face and the feel of a summers dress swishing around my thighs. Such small delights yet after being bed ridden for the past 5 days this feels like heaven to me. The sun is shining, as it has every other day this week but rather than staring out at it through a bedroom window as I lay under piles of blankets, I am enjoying it settling on my skin. Not one for being sick, I am suprised at how well I have coped this week. I am suprised that my only break down was as I was laying in a warm bath to soothe my aching body, although not suprised at my tears because to be honest I was conjuring up all sorts of dreadful illnesses that could be plaguing my body not knowing what the heck was happening. It seems a virus can do this to one. The last time I was this sick was when I was in my early 20's & diagnosed with tonsillitis, but that was due to my own carelessness - excess alcohol, partying & smoking cigarettes like they were going out of fashion. Oh how the tides turn - these days it's all mung beans & lights out by 8pm, that's what maturity does to one I guess & the ideology of living a healthy lifestyle for mind, body & soul. And I like it! But besides the bathtub breakdown there has also been a niggling feeling at my heart. And until today I couldn't quite put my finger on what that was. As the sunny day turned grey from rain clouds building on the horizon there was a shift in the air - and in me. I pulled a trashy novel from the bookshelf and set up camp with a cup of tea on the outdoor sofa as the heavens opened. I read for hours as the rain fell softly & birds played happily in the trees, and I suddenly realised something so incredibly important. That this was something I used to do for myself regularly when I was in my late teens at home in Tasmania. That this reminded me of a person I thought I used to be, but realised I still am. Someone who can relax and just enjoy something as trashy as a novel about a high flying New Yorker marring a rich merchant banker. So what if I don't read The Celestine Prophecy and mediate every morning after a 2 hour yoga session. It's okay to be sick and fall off the health band wagon for a bit. Mind you it's great to get right back on it and these past few days looking after myself with my eating & my rest patterns has sure paid off. I also realised something else and that's striking a BALANCE. The past few years I have been so caught up in chasing the sun, chasing waves and living free that I stifled parts of myself that reminded me of HOME. Parts of me that brought me balance - like the trashy novel. I've been wanting to be the epitome of healthy but I forgot that the key to that health is the balance. And not even on purpose. It just happened. I realised that that niggling at my heart was me craving to be at home - to be with my family & to be nurtured by my parents. Sure, I'm 34 years old but I don't think the yearning to be close to your family ever leaves you, especially when you spend 80% of your life away from those that you love the most. And then I realised something even more huge - that I miss the LOVE of my family. Sure we still all love each other no matter where we each are, but there's nothing better than walking through the front door at mum and dad's for a Wednesday night family tea or sitting down to Christmas lunch with the gang. Nothing can replace that - not surfing, not road trips, not travel, not freedom..... Because for me the most important thing in my life is that LOVE for my family. I see new horizons in front of me soon. Where I will see my family & friends more often. Where I laugh more often. Where I recement old friendships and let go of new ones that are not serving me in a positive way. But most of all - I see parts of me tee merging that have been dormant for some time, squashed by the ideals of society. I see A NEWFOUND BALANCE AND FREEDOM. Yes!
Walking along the cobblestone driveway to the mailbox I revel in the sunshine on my face and the feel of a summers dress swishing around my thighs. Such small delights yet after being bed ridden for the past 5 days this feels like heaven to me. The sun is shining, as it has every other day this week but rather than staring out at it through a bedroom window as I lay under piles of blankets, I am enjoying it settling on my skin. Not one for being sick, I am suprised at how well I have coped this week. I am suprised that my only break down was as I was laying in a warm bath to soothe my aching body, although not suprised at my tears because to be honest I was conjuring up all sorts of dreadful illnesses that could be plaguing my body not knowing what the heck was happening. It seems a virus can do this to one. The last time I was this sick was when I was in my early 20's & diagnosed with tonsillitis, but that was due to my own carelessness - excess alcohol, partying & smoking cigarettes like they were going out of fashion. Oh how the tides turn - these days it's all mung beans & lights out by 8pm, that's what maturity does to one I guess & the ideology of living a healthy lifestyle for mind, body & soul. And I like it! But besides the bathtub breakdown there has also been a niggling feeling at my heart. And until today I couldn't quite put my finger on what that was. As the sunny day turned grey from rain clouds building on the horizon there was a shift in the air - and in me. I pulled a trashy novel from the bookshelf and set up camp with a cup of tea on the outdoor sofa as the heavens opened. I read for hours as the rain fell softly & birds played happily in the trees, and I suddenly realised something so incredibly important. That this was something I used to do for myself regularly when I was in my late teens at home in Tasmania. That this reminded me of a person I thought I used to be, but realised I still am. Someone who can relax and just enjoy something as trashy as a novel about a high flying New Yorker marring a rich merchant banker. So what if I don't read The Celestine Prophecy and mediate every morning after a 2 hour yoga session. It's okay to be sick and fall off the health band wagon for a bit. Mind you it's great to get right back on it and these past few days looking after myself with my eating & my rest patterns has sure paid off. I also realised something else and that's striking a BALANCE. The past few years I have been so caught up in chasing the sun, chasing waves and living free that I stifled parts of myself that reminded me of HOME. Parts of me that brought me balance - like the trashy novel. I've been wanting to be the epitome of healthy but I forgot that the key to that health is the balance. And not even on purpose. It just happened. I realised that that niggling at my heart was me craving to be at home - to be with my family & to be nurtured by my parents. Sure, I'm 34 years old but I don't think the yearning to be close to your family ever leaves you, especially when you spend 80% of your life away from those that you love the most. And then I realised something even more huge - that I miss the LOVE of my family. Sure we still all love each other no matter where we each are, but there's nothing better than walking through the front door at mum and dad's for a Wednesday night family tea or sitting down to Christmas lunch with the gang. Nothing can replace that - not surfing, not road trips, not travel, not freedom..... Because for me the most important thing in my life is that LOVE for my family. I see new horizons in front of me soon. Where I will see my family & friends more often. Where I laugh more often. Where I recement old friendships and let go of new ones that are not serving me in a positive way. But most of all - I see parts of me tee merging that have been dormant for some time, squashed by the ideals of society. I see A NEWFOUND BALANCE AND FREEDOM. Yes!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment